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RE: (DF) The Madness Chronicles Discussion

 
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4/26/2019 6:10:24   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Two new chapters and updated the OP with brief summaries of all three stories as well as two new ideas for future stories.

We're approaching the climax with the conclusion of the brief Dunwich arc.
DF  Post #: 26
4/30/2019 7:51:58   
NagisaXIkari
Member

New chapter up. Two more chapters until it's caught up with where the original "Ocean of Hopelessness" left off and then it's into new and exciting territory that is post-chapter forty.
DF  Post #: 27
5/1/2019 8:03:25   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Chapter thirty-nine up. Combined aspects of chapters thirty-nine and forty from the original work so as to put more focus on the Soulweaver in chapter forty.

And on that note, outside of the ending, I'm actually not sure how I'm going to get that ending. Initially going for fifty chapters plus an epilogue, but it's looking like it'll end before then at least not without resorting to an ungodly amount of filler which I don't want to do. Of course ending before the initial count isn't actually a bad thing either.

Also edited the OP to state when the upcoming story "The Hunter," will take place. Basically another post-Book 3 story.

< Message edited by NagisaXIkari -- 5/1/2019 8:10:33 >
DF  Post #: 28
5/2/2019 12:25:20   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Chapter forty up. And I don't do planning or anything, so it's all unexplored territory from here to the finish line.
DF  Post #: 29
5/3/2019 7:16:47   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Fourth interlude up to start this new journey into the conclusion.
DF  Post #: 30
5/4/2019 7:17:06   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Forty-first chapter up. Thinking this will likely be around forty-five chapters plus epilogue when it ends.

Not having any luck on coming up with a title for the next story. Thinking "After the Fall," as it is about the Rose following the loss of Epsina Rosa. Somebody, anybody, tell me what you think.
DF  Post #: 31
5/4/2019 15:03:41   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


In terms of a title? Do you mean Espina Rosa? I mean, "After the Fall" is fine. "The Wilting Rose" could be another.

Unless you are going for a comedic piece I don't have any other suggestions.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 32
5/7/2019 2:07:46   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Holy cats, someone actually responded.

Anywho, "The Wilting Rose" is actually a better title. Still relates the setting as well as relating to the themes of the story, so I'mma use that one.
DF  Post #: 33
5/8/2019 8:25:35   
NagisaXIkari
Member

After much dawdling, the forty-second chapter is up. The next chapter is looking to be the conclusion.
DF  Post #: 34
5/9/2019 6:16:11   
NagisaXIkari
Member

And with that, "Ocean of Hopelessness: Redux" has concluded and "The Wilting Rose" will begin at some point.
DF  Post #: 35
5/12/2019 6:43:20   
NagisaXIkari
Member

From this point on, unless stated otherwise, any updates will pertain to "The Wilting Rose" which is currently a prologue and three chapters deep.

Much like how "A New Home" began as a coming of age story and "The Long Dark" a mystery thriller, this one starts off like one of them ragtag bunch of misfits adventure stories. Although those stories didn't really have a Forgone Conclusion.
DF  Post #: 36
5/16/2019 10:38:58   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Fourth chapter up. Also went back to the first chapter and gave Roland a rank. Not much on the structure of The Rose and their rankings, so I went with Captain.
DF  Post #: 37
5/22/2019 2:36:04   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Fifth and sixth chapter up. Would've gotten the fifth chapter up soon, but got sidetracked by other things, so figured might as well make it a double.
DF  Post #: 38
5/29/2019 16:07:03   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


This feedback is for the Intro and Chapter I of "The Wilting Rose".

quote:

As not to divert resources from Amityvale and elsewhere, a team was set to be assembled and begin their investigation, corroborating with The Rose stationed in the walled town as well as conduct interviews with the townspeople to find out all that they could about the alleged town of Arkham and its asylum.

What are you trying to say here?

quote:

She looked directly at him, the glasses magnifying her green eyes, showing she's not blind which was a relief.

that she wasn't, came as

quote:

Skimming the roster, all but one of them had multiple infractions and disciplinaries for various forms of misconduct that it's surprising they are still within the ranks of The Rose.

it was, were


All in all not too bad. Would you like me to continue with the commentary or would you prefer no more feedback of this kind?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 39
5/31/2019 4:25:39   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Corroborate wasn't the best word in that context. My grammar is garb, so it's quite welcome. Also it's just nice to know someone is actually reading this and I'm not just shouting into the void for the better part of two years. Absolutely astounding how long I've been going on with this series.

Anywho, after much delay due to things, the seventh chapter is up and work on the eighth has begun. Started it yesterday, but started nodding off.

Also I began work on "The Hunter," but won't be posting it until after "The Wilting Rose" concludes as I don't want to juggle multiple stories.
DF  Post #: 40
6/5/2019 8:12:22   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Eighth chapter up after working on it for a couple days. This is probably the most challenging work I've done so far more so than what I said regarding "Ocean of Hopelessness." If not for Foregone Conclusion being in effect and wanting to actually at least create the idea that something could maybe be done rather than saying no, this chapter probably would've came out sooner.
DF  Post #: 41
6/8/2019 8:46:56   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Ninth chapter up and considerably shorter than the ones that came before it, but we do get some insight on Kid.
DF  Post #: 42
6/13/2019 7:48:35   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Back at that length with chapter ten. First interlude is also up.
DF  Post #: 43
6/16/2019 8:56:54   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Eleventh chapter up and finally getting to what the story is supposed to be about.
DF  Post #: 44
6/19/2019 14:31:57   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

Roland and his squad met at the gryphon stables, Kid was the first to arrive even before Roland while Simon was the last, looking like she had just woke up minutes ago.

woken

Just a question, but have we ever seen the Rose use gryphons in-game?

quote:

Simon's tardiness explained her record while Kid arriving before anyone <> was unnerving to Roland. It was almost like he was trying too hard to be a model soldier.

else

quote:

"Nice of you all to finally make it," Roland began. "As you all know, in a few moments we will be departing for Amityvale. And should you have read the dossier, none of this will be new to you, but anyway, our first objective is to consult the Rose members stationed in the town and interview townspeople and gather all information available. Aside from the town of Arkham, we have information on the town of Miskatonic which is where a university is. Assuming it does exist, we will consult the university staff for information on Arkham before continuing. Any questions before we depart?"

, interview townspeople and pursue any other avenues to gather all information available

You may want to think about Roland suggesting ethical or unethical routes and depending on how moral of a character he is himself. Whatever the case, if you wish to use this idea then my proposed section should be adjusted to account for Roland's worldview.

quote:

"Greetings, sir," a Rose stable worker said, followed by others as they work to bring in the gryphons and aid their riders in dismounting.

worked

quote:

Unsurprisingly, Sight and Simon were listed as being adept in information gathering.leaving him with Kid to talk with the magus stationed in the town.

Either a "," or start a new sentence.

quote:

"Those guys are so boring, but you and your friend here if he's up for it look like the type that could satisfy a girls needs.

girl's

quote:

"And by change, you mean occupy," the adventurer with an axe said.

the (Given that the axe is this person's main descriptor.)

quote:

Roland and Kid entered the office of Magus Neron who was in the midst of his research on curing lycanthropy. Upon seeing the two enter, Neron gathered his notes, including a letter from Chaney into a neat stack which he promptly put inside <> his desk.

of

quote:

Magus Neron looked over <> Kid who stood at attention, his eyes boring through him and beyond. Despite everything he had seen since coming to Amityvale, nothing was as unnerving as this recruit. Even Z's golems displayed more humanity than him.

to (If my mind's eye is correct in that Kid is standing at the doorpost or something.)

quote:

Inside were only a few sheets with some brief notes. Miskatonic was somewhere down the west road as stated by multiple adventurers, all of whom have also said they heard <> the town has a spider infestation.

that, had

quote:

There were even fewer mentions of Arkham, not even a general direction of where it is only that those who made mention of it were considered 'unwell.'

was

quote:

Each mention was dated with one mention of Arkham being only a week ago and while it was unlikely, there may be a possibility that the adventurer who mentioned it may still be in town.

was, was still

quote:

"Is the whereabouts <> the one who most recently mentioned Arkham known?"

Are, of

quote:

"I'm afraid not," Neron began. "I did have him administered to the inn, but they somehow escaped in the middle of the night. The townwatch did not open the gates for anyone, so we do have reason to believe <> they're still in town somewhere, but no leads as to where."

that

quote:

"Is there anything else <> you can tell us about this person? What they looked like perhaps."

that, ?

quote:

"That's the thing, they were just so...forgettable. Beyond their mumbling about the town, they really didn't look any different than anyone you may have already seen since entering the town."

from

quote:

Roland and his squad eventually gathered outside <> the town hall to give their reports. Hands and Cry had similar reports, Miskatonic is somewhere to the west and has a spider infestation that attracts adventurers hoping to make a name for themselves.

of, was, had

quote:

Sight shared her discovery that there is evidence that Arkham exists west of Amityvale, Roland and her squadmates sans Simon having to huddle around her to hear.

was
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 45
6/20/2019 1:11:39   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Oof. To think there was a time I wanted to be a writer before I realized I'm too old to have dreams. Appreciate it nonetheless though.

As for your question, Jannia does use a griffin and I'll be real honest, I don't know the difference between a gryphon and a griffin besides spelling, so with that in mind and the Hero using one a primary source of transportation via the travel map, I would think they're used by the Rose for getting people and resources around the continent to places we know they occupy. And currently at the time of the story, Jannia's airship has yet to be constructed and even if it were, it'd be a pretty poor use of resources for pursuing what amounts to a rumour with little foundation.
DF  Post #: 46
6/23/2019 6:13:48   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Twelfth chapter up.
DF  Post #: 47
6/23/2019 12:24:57   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


I'm pretty sure that most writers (who do it for a living) have got editors to catch any spelling and grammar errors that they may make.

I don't think that there is a difference, there are 2 or 3 different spellings for that mythological beast. The same holds true for many gods which were worshipped in multiple countries. Just local dialects can make the difference.

Well, you'd think that the Rose would have an entire fleet of airships given the amount we saw at Aeris Battlespire before the hero got frozen.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 48
6/24/2019 0:29:44   
NagisaXIkari
Member

You'd think so, but then why is Jaania going places via griffin and requesting an airship to be commissioned? Or why no questline pertaining to the Rose would involve raiding an airfield or something? Most any story involving a resistance group hiding somewhere would go by a lot differently if the Rose controlled the skies.
DF  Post #: 49
6/25/2019 14:29:55   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


This does raise a rather interesting point, why can't your Rose officers just travel to their destination by gryphon?

If I had to guess, I'd say that there is a reason as to why the Rose couldn't simply chart Doomwood by using Gryphons or airships.

I mean, I had to think of a reason as to why a city's worth of dragonlords couldn't just deal with Lore's major problems.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 50
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