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6/30/2019 8:14:25   
NagisaXIkari
Member

That had been addressed in the prologue. The premise of the operation is founded on a rumour which the reader knows is true because of the non-linear order I've been writing these stories. Also why the squad is made up mainly of misfits who actually probably shouldn't be doing field work. Had the operation been a bust, at least there weren't many resources spent on it.

It is weird that Doomwood is barely charted out going by in-game dialogue, but it works for me.

Also thirteenth chapter up.
DF  Post #: 51
8/8/2019 9:58:24   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Been busy with the new Final Fantasy XIV expansion (it's good, folks) which really ate up a lot of my time. So nearly two months in the making, the fourteenth chapter is up.

On top of that, I've also been pondering how much of a timeskip there should be between Roland's team entering the asylum and The Rose occupying the town. At best a couple weeks or an initial garrison to arrive as any more runs the risk of running into contradictions with the game. I should also get caught up on events in Dragonfable so as to not run into any contradictions in the first place.
DF  Post #: 52
8/25/2019 18:00:18   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


Chapters 4 and 5

quote:

As the gates of Amityvale closed behind them and soon faded into the distance, they noticed the woods seemed darker despite being <> the early morning hours.

during?

quote:

The first sign of the Rose having began to move out west was the entrance to an old graveyard walled off with bricks, the groans of the dead faintly audible behind the wall.

begun

quote:

The woods were strangely quiet, continuing to grow darker as they ventured deeper into them despite the light of the moon indicating, it was still morning, Kid suddenly stopping and reaching for his sword, something straight ahead catching his eye.

light of the moon indicating that it was still morning. I think that is a good place to end that sentence.

stopped and reached

quote:

"What is it, Kid?" Roland asked, looking ahead, not seeing what Kid sees likely because of his reduced vision.

saw

quote:

Roland was impressed by the keen vision <> the recruit demonstrated as Cry who stood beside him as well didn't notice it, but of course neither did he.

that

quote:

Large spiders weren't an uncommon sight in Doomwood or Lore in general, but they certainly weren't purple. Not that <> mattered as Kid quickly dispatched it.

it

quote:

They resumed their travels, Roland glancing at Kid. He was quick on the draw and kill, further making him wonder why Kid wasn't apart of a more standard unit if not for the incident that got him benched.

a part

quote:

"That won't be necessary, ma'am. I'm with The Rose and <> was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions for me."

I

quote:

"The Rose? We've been petitioning them since we got word <> they came to Doomwood and you're what they send? You look no different than these loafers calling themselves adventurers. <> We not good enough for you to worry about our plight, is that it?"

that, Are

quote:

The woman's words stung. Just what was the purpose of The Rose if not to help people? Sure, they can't be everywhere at all times, but how long have they been petitioning the Amityvale garrison to make her so immediately scornful?

couldn't, had


I would expect stiffer resistance from exploring Doomwood/Darkovia than that.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 53
8/30/2019 9:30:50   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Kid being the model recruit he is wouldn't dare to question orders and you can probably figure out where Cry got his name which would explain his not questioning orders. I'm guessing you're either not up to the current chapter or are at the least spacing out your corrections and comments, but further chapters elaborate more on Kid as well as gives insight into why Hands wouldn't question going into unexplored and potentially dangerous lands.

As for Sight and Simon (little bit of trivia, she's the only one to go by their birth name), will be elaborated on as time goes on.

Also with much delay, fifteenth chapter is up.
DF  Post #: 54
9/3/2019 13:35:13   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


You misunderstand. I meant in terms of what Doomwood throws at them. Especially seeing how little the Rose has explored of the cursed forest up to this point in your story.

I try not to read chapters which I have yet to check, as it makes it easier for me to gloss over mistakes.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 55
9/29/2019 3:07:08   
NagisaXIkari
Member

That's fair. Anywho, what they've seen so far is honestly pretty tame. Aside from the colouration of the spider, it's still a big spider which isn't uncommon on Lore and Innsmouth weirdness from a distance while weird, isn't anything like if they'd seen it up close. Events the cast experienced and/or witnessed prior to the story like the Black Winter would have far more adverse reactions.

Anyway, sixteenth chapter up as of yesterday, guess I didn't hit OK when posting the update as well as added links to the discussion threads of other stories to the OP to make any insight regarding them more accessible.
DF  Post #: 56
9/30/2019 13:19:02   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


Chapters 6 and 7.


quote:

As they went down the hall, glancing at doors some of which voices could be heard coming from behind, a white light and the thud of something on the floor began to approach, Kid placing a hand on his sword.

How does this read to you?

As they went down the hall and glanced at the doors, some of which voices could be heard coming from behind, a white light and the thud of something on the floor began to approach, Kid placing a hand on his sword.

"the doors" sounds better to me because it has already been established that they saw those doors previously.

quote:

The source of the voice came closer showing a tall man almost as wide as the hallway wearing a long grey coat over a black robe carrying a lantern radiating a white light in one hand and a halberd in the other. A peculiar sight in a place of learning for sure.

I am having difficulty visualizing the clothes that this man is wearing. Is the coat open so you can see the black robe underneath?

quote:

The man led through them the hall into other parts of the university dimly lit by lanterns radiating other colours, passing more people dressed as he was, approaching a great set of doors on the second floor.

led them through

quote:

Upon knocking on the door, a voice bid them <> enter.

to

quote:

Sitting behind a desk was an older man<> in attire that looked like it may have been formal attire at a point in time no one that wasn't his age could recall or was alive to experience<> who gestured for the group's guide to leave.

,,

quote:

"I certainly have nothing to lose allowing you make use of our resources assuming <> it doesn't hinder the university in anyway of course."

that, any way

quote:

Making their leave, Roland did as the dean <> said and asked one of the universities watchers to lead them to the library which took them into a basement and beyond a large set of double doors which lead to a massive library unlike anything any of them had ever seen before.

had, university's

quote:

"Sight, Simon, find out what you can about the spider infestation and Arkham. Kid and I will rendezvous with Cry and Hands then speak with the mayor."

before speaking

quote:

The library of Miskatonic University was as strange as the halls they traversed as it to was lit by the same lamps, each aisle marked by a different colour illuminating a placard identifying the contents of that aisle's shelves, but not providing enough light for either of them to identify the various books and tomes lining the shelves without straining their eyes.

too

quote:

It was peculiar that a library would be so dark, but they supposed <> the eyes of the people of Doomwood had adapted to the darkness especially that which persist long after the clouds had parted as was the case for Miskatonic.

that, the type

quote:

Sight wandered between the aisles, squinting and straining her eyes to see the words on the placards from behind her glasses. Who thought <> it was a good idea to make a library so dark and for what reason?

that

quote:

"Thank you," she said turning away from the man to seek out the yellow lantern, relieved to be away from the man and to be by herself once more.


quote:

"The section marked with a yellow lantern," Simon said in the same tired tone she seemed to always speak in.

Didn't the man say "purple lantern"? Either the first mention needs to be changed or the latter two.

quote:

While Simon could feel the difference in texture between the text and the spines of the various tomes and books she touched, the words were much to small for her to trace the letters with her fingers as though they were manufactured in a way that they were intentionally difficult to find if one wasn't born with what she assumed would be the eyes of those who inhabited Doomwood.

too


It's especially tame given how the dean speaks of losing couriers. To be fair, I couldn't really gauge the strength of that purple spider.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 57
10/1/2019 2:23:09   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Altered the watcher's attire as looking back, I'm not totally sure what I was picturing myself, but an open coat over a black robe is what it is, yes. Same with the colours of the lanterns. I wanna say I was watching the first season of "True Detective" at the time of writing and the colour yellow came up quite a bit and things got a little muddled.

Miskatonic doesn't have a formal courier service as I'd assume Amityvale would if only for the sake of communication between the Rose there and elsewhere, but as nothing in-game mentions couriers unless I'm mistaken and forgotten something, it's only speculation. Anywho, as they lack that and as you'll find in later chapters, they try to pawn tasks like message delivery on to the adventurers lingering around and given the descriptions, not all of them are gonna be particularly up to par.

The spider itself, as I've said plenty I'm not good at combat scenes, so a quick and easy dispatch would be less egregious than all six of them ganging up on it or drawing the chapter out with what would just be unfair to the spider in question. All in all, not particularly threatening to a group of trained soldier or even some novice adventurer in the context of the stories, but as shown in both versions "Ocean of Hopelessness," the ones that differ only slightly from the ones that actually appear in-game aren't the biggest threat.

Also it serves as a call forward to both versions of "Ocean of Hopelessness" when the Soulweaver dispatched one in a similar manner and with similar reactions. Not to say the Soulweaver or Kid have similarities (don't even know if you've read "Ocean of Hopelessness: Redux").
DF  Post #: 58
10/1/2019 13:25:17   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


Chapters 8, 9 and 10.

quote:

"Anything about the towns spider problem?" Roland asked.

town's

quote:

With what information they have, it seemed as though a solution was non-existent, but he was honour bound to speak to the mayor and try to petition the Amityvale garrison to assist the town. Even as a token gesture, it was the best <> he could do.

had, that

quote:

Sitting at the desk was a younger man in fairly plain attire who looked at them with an expression that suggested he <> expected their arrival.

had

quote:

"Thank you for asking. The lanterns burn a particular incense that we theorize and hope keeps the spiders at bay. Each colour is a different incense which we hope to find one that works," the man said, his cheerful tone never faltering.

What exactly are you trying to say here? They theorize and hope that the incense works, but they don't know which of the colours works? Is that it? I am asking because the second sentence mentioning incense seems to imply that they haven't found an incense with the desired properties yet.

quote:

Cry thought about the brief conversation he had with Hands. He believed <> the best thing they could do was try which was what the townspeople were doing even though they had no way of knowing whether or not what they were doing was even working.

that

quote:

It was admirable in a way, but with the information available to him <> made it seem that what they were doing was ultimately futile.

it

quote:

They rendezvoused with Sight and Simon outside the university <> neither looking like they had good news to share.

with

quote:

"I should've known," Roland began."Anyway, we need lodging for the night <> then I need to get a message to Amityvale."

and

quote:

"Sir, if I may," Cry asked, continuing when granted permission. "The innkeeper informed me <> there are no rooms available."

that

quote:

"You seem much too young to have even seen my great grandfather let alone even know his name," Kid said somewhat impressed.

Is that (Samuel) meant to be the father of Kid's grandfather?

quote:

"As you should. Now then, why not direct that fear into something productive? I need at least three rooms and don't tell me <> you don't have any, I know you only say that to try and drive the adventurers away."

that

Have I ever asked you the reason as to why the innkeeper doesn't want to earn more coin?

quote:

Lastly the entry on Simon said she comes from somewhere on the border of the Maguswoods and the Sandsea which in itself was curious as he recalled no one ever mentioning such a place during the time the Rose went into the Sandsea.

Is this based on the old information as it was presented in the Design Notes?


Hm, no notice board with quests?

quote:

The spider itself, as I've said plenty I'm not good at combat scenes, so a quick and easy dispatch would be less egregious than all six of them ganging up on it or drawing the chapter out with what would just be unfair to the spider in question.

The biggest problem with writing bigger parties, I find, is balancing combat encounters.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 59
10/5/2019 9:51:43   
NagisaXIkari
Member

quote:

What exactly are you trying to say here? They theorize and hope that the incense works, but they don't know which of the colours works? Is that it? I am asking because the second sentence mentioning incense seems to imply that they haven't found an incense with the desired properties yet.


That is it. As the secretary said, each colour is a different incense and they're hoping one will actually work.

quote:

Is that (Samuel) meant to be the father of Kid's grandfather?


This is getting into the mystery of who Kid is with Samuel being the name of his great grandfather.

quote:

Have I ever asked you the reason as to why the innkeeper doesn't want to earn more coin?


Principles which saying it outloud kind of sounds like a cop out, but she'd have sooner been spiteful and unwilling to help those she sees as not being helpful to her. If it means a little less money being brought in.

There are also the occupants that she at least tolerated. Years later in "Ocean of Hopelessness: Redux," she'd still be bitter.

quote:

Is this based on the old information as it was presented in the Design Notes?


This is actually news to me. I was thinking more like the other locations mentioned that don't actually exist in-game or even a caravan of sorts. Actually haven't thought too far into her backstory currently.

quote:

Hm, no notice board with quests?


The town itself is relatively isolated with people stumbling upon it from wherever and then word of mouth. Beyond sending petitions to Amityvale, the only contact with the outside world is the odd trader from Dunwich which has yet to be mentioned in this story and that has currently only been mentioned in "Ocean of Hopeless: Redux."

Anywho, seventeenth chapter up.

EDIT: Actually gonna make some edits to chapter seventeen. Was getting late and rushed some things.

< Message edited by NagisaXIkari -- 10/5/2019 15:16:20 >
DF  Post #: 60
10/6/2019 16:35:22   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

And further east, it could see the town of Dunwich whose people kept to themselves, isolated and completely ignorant to the world outside <> their little town.

of

quote:

It was always watching as it did for many years before and will continue to do for many more after.

would(?)

quote:

"Yes, sir," Kid said standing up, picking his helmet and sword <> off the floor.

of

quote:

It would appear <> it was still much too early to conduct any business, but it would give Roland an opportunity to further question Kid.

that

quote:

"Willowshire Guardians weren't recruiting?"

Willowshire's

quote:

A pretty standard story given by a lot of recruits, especially those from places where a Guardian presence still exists and especially those old enough to remember what happened with the orbs and Wargoth.

existed

quote:

"Meaning <> there were casualties, correct?" Roland asked.

that

quote:

Roland's inquiry was useless without whatever information the Rose <> gathered in their investigation, but until he could make contact with Swordhaven, he had to focus on his objective in Miskatonic.

had

quote:

When Roland walked away, the tavernmaster caught a glance at Kid and quickly turned away, a chill running down his spine. He <> heard the stories and seen some old pictures, but there was no way what he saw was actually real.

of, had

quote:

They had generally shoddy equipment and sending any of them would be tantamount to sending them marching to their deaths in the event <> they were attacked.

that

quote:

Accepting the job would put some money in their pocket and it's not like they have to risk life and limb to go to Amityvale. They moved their hand and were about to speak when a scythe wielding adventurer in leather and steel riveted armour spoke up.

wasn't, had

quote:

Today would be the day they depart for Arkham, but he would need to decide who to leave to rendezvous with the Amityvale should any arrive.

departed

quote:

The night had been awkward for all of them. Despite their short time together, each of them seemed to find someone among their squad mates <> they were comfortable with enough to confide in or reveal a major part of who they are.

have found, that, were

quote:

Cry was unsure how to handle the information Hands had told him. He of course kept it to himself as he said he would, not like there really was anyone else to tell anyways, but the revelation <> he was working alongside a former assassin weighed heavily on his mind.

that

quote:

It was enough <> they were already distrusted on account of being part of the Rose, but to abandon a town in need made him feel even worse about what he was doing.

that

quote:

Kid saying <> he <> just asked politely was incredibly farfetched to Roland.

that, had

quote:

When Simon was certain <> the others were out of earshot before springing a question on Cry that came as an enormous shock to him.

that

quote:

The road to Arkham grew darker as they got further and further from Miskatonic despite the lack of an overhanging canopy.

farther, farther

quote:

"I can't say I know much if anything at all, but if I had to guess, I'd say <> it's better than happiness, but also worse than sadness."

that

quote:

We shouldn't be going <> this place.

to

quote:

It was only by turning her attention <> the ground below that she could no longer see the tower, but it only made the feeling as though she were being watched intensify until she could no longer bear it and had to look up and see the foreboding tower.

to


quote:

This is actually news to me. I was thinking more like the other locations mentioned that don't actually exist in-game or even a caravan of sorts.

The map has changed a couple of times. There was a time when the Sandsea and Greenguard did not share borders and it also reminded me of that old post in the Design notes, hence why I asked.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 61
10/14/2019 10:49:02   
NagisaXIkari
Member

Those changes and the inconsistency between Book 1 & 2 and Book 3's maps do make it a bit hard to try and place these locations as they're supposed to be fairly isolated. Probably be easier if they resembled a real life map, but I'm bad at reading maps.

Anyway, eighteenth chapter is up and it's a lengthier one. The mystery deepens with a less than shocking reveal.
DF  Post #: 62
10/16/2019 16:17:17   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


Chapters 13, 14 and 15.

quote:

The tower came into full view as the wall that surrounded the town of Arkham came into view.

Not grammatically incorrect, but it's usually better if a sentence doesn't feel like it is repeating itself.

quote:

The town being surrounded by walls meant <> fortifying it would be even easier once the Rose could move into Arkham.

that

quote:

"We seek entry," Roland called to the guards standing above the gate.

Is this a gatehouse? Is it a stone wall?

quote:

"We come to investigate the asylum," Roland said.

yelled/shouted(?)

quote:

Sitting atop the hill, they could see the asylum also surrounded by walls looking over the town. The rest of the town was similar to Miskatonic or any other town with a number of buildings, mostly house scattered about, separated by roads and alleys.

Are these walls made out of stone?
houses

quote:

"I'm looking for some information. I'm Captain Roland of the Rose, Swordhaven garrison and I've been tasked with investigating the town of Arkham, more specifically, the asylum. We believe <> it may be useful in our cause."

that, to

quote:

<> I can tell you to abandon your mission and forget about this place, but I know you won't and it's up to the mayor to decide who can and cannot stay.

All(?)

quote:

By the way the one-eyed man leaned towards Captain Roland, Kid could and would correctly guess <> he was warning Roland to abandon their mission. A wise choice that Roland isn't likely to take.

that, wasn't

quote:

The biggest exception being Arkham Asylum that loomed over the rest of the town, it's dark tower casting a shadow even in the darkness that cast a veil over Doomwood since they began their journey to Miskatonic.

its

quote:

Cry and Simon approached the town watch members who stood near town hall. They had at least two days before they could set off to Arkham and figured <> it would be best to continue to investigate Miskatonic.

that

quote:

"You're still here?" a man holding a torch asked, his tone indicating <> he was none too pleased with their presence.

that

quote:

"Yes, sir," Cry said, trying to steel his nerves. "We'll be here for the next to days at the most waiting for a response from the Amityvale garrison. Until then, we're continuing our investigation and lending any support <> we can."

two, that

quote:

"Is that so? Haven't you been told already, this has been going on for longer than most of us here have been alive.<>What makes you think <> you can hope to change what others haven't been able to do over decades?"

<space>, that


"Reminds me of myself when I was younger," the man leaning against a pike said. "Holding on to ideals that maybe
quote:

I could do something or any of those adventurers that are now just freeloading about could do something
."
I, or any of those adventurers that are now just freeloading, could do something about

quote:

"Has there been any expeditions into the caves?" Cry asked, feeling more relaxed.

Have

quote:

Tried to brick the entrance up, but again they burrow out into the town and some of the bigger spiders eventually knock the wall down.

Did they try to do that once or on multiple occasions?

quote:

Even if it doesn't amount to much, it's nice to know <> we're not forgotten in this dark corner of the world."

that

quote:

The resemblance persited upon entering in the way <> the lobby was set up although instead of two sets of stairs leading up, only one led up while the other led down to what they would assume to be a basement.

persisted, that

quote:

The woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath then exhaled.

, took a deep breath and then exhaled

quote:

"I will need to ask your party to wait outside <> the mayor's office if her chooses to speak with you. I'm afraid <> it's not made to accomodate so many people," the woman said as she led them to the lower floor.

of, he, that

quote:

Roland thought perhap once Simon and Cry make their way to Arkham, perhaps she and Sight may be able to look through anything that may be useful to their investigation should the mayor permit it.

that perhaps, made, could, could

quote:

The lower floor was a wide room sectioned off into multiple smaller rooms with boxes stacked outside a couple of rooms making it appear more like a repurposed storage room rather than where the managing of a town takes place.

took

quote:

Cry thought about what the man had told him about how the townspeople appreciated the help <> the Rose had pledged to them even if only because it meant they weren't forgotten and it made him feel happy.

that

quote:

"Do you believe <> we can achieve what we pledged to do here?" Simon asked.

that

quote:

Sometimes it's the only thing <> we can do."

that

quote:

The mayor's office was lit mainly by candlelight with a couple <> lamps showing that it looked more like a storage room like where Sight and Simon conducted their investigation in Amityvale than where someone would run a town.

of

quote:

"All right then," the man who was presumably Callahan said retrieving a pair of keys from below the counter.

Alright

quote:

"Perhaps it's because I don't see things how I used to, but keep you should keep a close watch on the young looking one. There's something sinister about that one," he said in a hushed tone.


quote:

If I were you, I would not associate with him anymore than you already have."

any more

quote:

Now then, I won't take up anymore of your time, thank you for allowing us to stay."

any more

quote:

"I guess <> you're not called Sight for nothing, huh?"

that

quote:

She wanted to be like Maya, but instead found herself as an operative of the Rose<> and by her own admission a less than adequate one<> and wasn't skilled to use magic to become a magi and thus the closest to being like Loremaster Maya as she could.

,,

Was it ever stated that Maya was able to do magic?

quote:

"It's okay. It's not your fault <> a cruel name has haunted me for so long. But please, I want to know more about you. Is it the dancing you like or is it-"

that

quote:

For awhile now, I've wanted to be a dancer. Sometimes the way to at least getting a bed to sleep in and three meals a day means having to abandon those dreams and do things <> you swore to never do again."

a while, doing, that

quote:

I'm honestly surprised <> I even told him, but sometimes you just can't help who or what you tell if it's a heavy enough burden."

that

quote:

"I see," Sight said thinking about the things she considers burdens that she carries.

carried which/that she considered burdens

quote:

She knew <> there were other things that weighed on her heart, but he words to Simon weighed the most, but to her it wasn't enough to make her want to share those thoughts with Hands. Maybe it wasn't such a burden afterall?

that, the, after all

quote:

He thought of Hands in the next room. She was capable of gathering information and her dossier made it clear with her methods, but would they work on Kid?

what(?)

quote:

With the lights out, Arkham was quite dark even for the corner of Doomwood where even the moon's light seemed to barely shine and what he was to do next would be a gamble, but he had a feeling <> it would pay off.

that

quote:

"I think <> you'll make an exception."

that

quote:

"I understand <> you denied Captain Roland and by extension myself entry into Arkham Asylum and that just cannot be."

that

quote:

"You certainly can't, but the Captain won't take my word, so you're going to do me and by extension, my family a favour.

, and by extension my family,

quote:

True to his word, when Roland and his team exited Callahan's in preparation to return to Miskatonic, they were greeted by the mayor holding a letter <> he seemed to force onto Roland rather than hand to him.

which

quote:

"What is this?" Roland asked, confused and still tired <> having slept very little during the night.

from

quote:

"I deeply apologize for the inconvenience <> I caused you by making you almost abandon your mission.

that

quote:

Roland had tuned the mayor out, lost in his own thoughts as he skimmed the letter. During his uneasy sleep he had noticed Kid sneaking out and then this happens?

happened

quote:

"My team and I greatly appreciate your reconsideration, sir. And I give you my word, we will put an end to what plagues this town and its asylum."

whatever(?)
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 63
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