Location: Zorbak's Prank, Surewould Forest -> 3 Right -> Down, Friday the 13th Invasion, Amityvale (Books 1 and 2), Pumpkin Pi Bomber, Meet Frostscythe, Friday the 13th Invasion - The Last Stand!, Creating Cauldron Candy, Zorbak's Back!, The Necromantress, The Outcast, Undead Dravir!, Thievilchauns, A Ghoulish Mistake, Queen of the Jungle, The Body Shop, Xan Has A Plan, Final Battle!, A DragonLord Birthday!, Epilogue, Zorbak's Legion, Zorbak's (New) Hideout, Choose Your Own Adventure Quest, The Amityvillian, Zorbak's Thankstaking WAR!, A Feast of Fowl, Princess-napped, Double, Trouble, Boil and Bubble, Moglin Seeking Queen, There's Something About Twilly..., In the Mountains...., We're Gonna Need More Fire..., Tiny Terrors In Town!, Resident Sneevil: Parasol Chronicles, Resident Sneevil: Revelations, Resident Sneevil: CODE SALL-IE, The Golden Kiss, It's Not Easy Being Gold, Thankstaking Storybook -> Chapter 4, Interview, The Necropolis -> Artix -> Other Classes! -> Necromancer -> 2 More -> To Zorbak!, Soul Scrying, FwendQuest, The Felonious Five, A Boneheaded Brawl, Ghoulidays Boss, Return of the Felonious Five, Transformative Thankstaking, The Lucky Undead, The Final Lock
Zorbak's Thankstaking WAR!
Zorbak's (New) Hideout
Double, Trouble, Boil and Bubble
Moglin Seeking Queen
Tiny Terrors In Town!
Defend the Brood!
Battle Turkey Upgrade
Zorbak: SHHHH! Careful hero. You wouldn't want to wake this hungry, giant, sleeping, man-eating bear.
Zorbak: HEY BEAR WAKE UP! LUNCH TIME! (Meh heh, heh, this should be fun.)
Zorbak (thinking): Interesting, I'll have to keep an eye on this one.
Zorbak: Mehehehe, I prefer Doomwood... but until those lazy devs open it I'm going to cause some trouble here. Have any Doom weapons?
Zorbak: Meheheh, I prefer Doomwood... but causing some trouble here is almost as fun. Have any Doom weapons?
Zorbak: Ah, stinkering fetid home sweet home. Full of liches, skeletons, zombies and if you get bored there are wimpy Paladins to beat up.
Zorbak: Yeah, Doom weapons are pretty good... if you are insane, demented, psychotic and have no conscience or moral bearing.
Invite (Pet) - Invites Zorbak as a temporary pet.
If you are under level 6:
Zorbak: So, you want to cause some trouble together? Get to level 6 and you can be my pet.
Friday the 13th Invasion
Zorbak: Meh heh heh heh! Just enough masks to....
Zorbak: Meh, no! I was looking to start a Hockey team and these undead skeletons just happened to be plodding through.
Zorbak: We were going to use Twig as the puck.
Zorbak: Meh... haven't you been eaten yet?
Zorbak: DoomWood... and since you broke all of the ones here I am headed there to get more.
Zorbak: Oh, looks there is one left. Meh heh heh... dang, I wanted that one to be my Ghoulie.
Zorbak: See you in DoomWood! Meh heh heh....
Amityvale (Books 1 and 2)
Zorbak: Hey "hero". Got a minute?
Zorbak: Hey you, yeah you...I have a job for you.
Zorbak: What? Can't I be all warm and fuzzykins want-to-save-world blahblahblah too? Meh.
Zorbak: Fine. Whatever. Obviously, you're too smart for me <Class>. Meh, I'll tell you what's really up.
Zorbak: There's an old dragon cave not too far from here in the Doomwood. It's been taken over by some of Noxus' more... ambitious projects.
Zorbak: A race of zombie dravir.
Zorbak: So, yeah, environment, killing off the native werewolves/townsfolk, whatever. They shouldn't be there.
Zorbak: They have an entire cavern full of... magical orbs. Obviously, they shoudln't have those. *mumble*
Zorbak: Look, you can destroy them all. Just let me have one. Consider it payback for showing you the cave and letting you know about the danger.
Pumpkin Pi Bomber
Zorbak: Woah... you are a girl necromancer!?
Zorbak: She is so EBIL... I think I'm in love!
Zorbak: She is... so... PERFECT!
Zorbak: PET!? Meh... you listen here! The only one who is going to take over the world is me! So you might as well quit that Shadowsuckah club right now and join me. Or... meh... at least give me your number.
Zorbak: What... ? Meh, she is hot!
Zorbak: Sorry <Character>... an ebil moglin's gotta do what an ebil moglin's gotta do! Hey Necro-girl! Wait for me!
Zorbak: Meh... cast the wrong teleport spell. Where am I?
Zorbak: DragonMaster Frostscythe how.. meh... good to see you again!
Zorbak: Meh heh heh heh... this is going to be good. Later!
Friday the 13th Invasion - The Last Stand!
Zorbak: Meh, all the heroes keep breaking the masks. I think I have enough to...
Zorbak: Meh, no! I was looking to start a Hockey Team and these undead skeletons just happened to be plodding through.
Zorbak: Meh, its never to early to start training.
Zorbak: We're going to use Twig as the puck.
Zorbak: Mind your own business! Shouldn't you be getting kicked around by someone?
Zorbak: Doomwood, outside of Amityvale... and since you broke all of these I am headed there to get more.
Zorbak: Oh, looks like there is one left. Meh heh heh...dang, i wanted that one to be my Ghoulie.
Creating Cauldron Candy
Zorbak: MMMMmmmm, that smells pretty good.
Zorbak: Meh heh heh! It Seems like it's missing something... needs more Mognip! A LOT more!
Zorbak: THAT'S more like it! Meh heh heh! I'm outta her!'
Zorbak: Oh, I whouldn't worry about that, Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: The one and only. *sniff* Yumm. This stuff doesn't smell half as terrible as it looks!
Zorbak: I'm glad I added all that mognip! If I had left it to you four witches, you whould've ruined it!
Zorbak: That pricetag seems a little to high for me.
Zorbak: Ok, I get it, I GET IT! I don't see what the big deal is. It's just candy.
Zorbak: ...Sweet, delicious, amazing...
Zorbak: IRRESISTABLE CANDY!!!!
Zorbak: I'm... not sure. The smell was just too heavenly to pass up! The good news is I don't think it had any effect on me...
Zorbak: Why, yes I think I did.
Zorbak: ... Figures
Zorbak: Where did I go just now? All that I remember is an incredible assault on my tastebuds, the taste of pure happiness in the candy form, then...
Zorbak: ...then I was here.
Zorbak: Oh yeah, the candy! That stuff is GREAT!!! I think I'll eat a little more. Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: Yeah I know.
Zorbak: Oh No! I have to work full time for cute witches with their own Doom Cauldron... could there be a worse fate?
Zorbak: The 'Oh No' was in massive sarcasm quotes.
Zorbak: OK. Hey, why don't we just toss the stuff into that huge wormhole right behind you?
Zorbak: *nom nom nom nom*
Zorbak: Ohhhh my tummy feels funny, Uh oh.
Zorbak: Ok, it's OK. I think I'm going to be fine...
Zorbak: NOPE! NOT FINE! NOT FINE AT ALL!
Zorbak: Man I feel terrible. I'm never eating candy again. I signed your contract, Toil, can I go now?
Zorbak: Meh... you guys have an undead invasion and I do not even get an invite?
Zorbak: Oh man... it's HER! Meh. I've seen this girl around here before, <Character>! How is my fur? Do I smell ok?
Zorbak: Ebil AND smart... I think I'm in love!
Zorbak: She is.... so.... PERFECT!
Zorbak: Meh... you listen here! The only one who is going to take over the world is me!
Zorbak: So you might as well that necro-chump club and join me. Or... meh... at least give me your number.
Zorbak: What? Meh, she is hot!
Zorbak: Sorry <Character>... an ebil moglin's gotta do what an ebil moglin's gotta do! Hey Necro-girl! Wait for me!
Zorbak: ... and that concludes this weeks Ask Zorbak. Thanks for you stupid question. Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: GAH! Don't you poeple know how to knock?! What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy?
Zorbak: Forgot how to tie your shoes again, Paladin? Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: Meh. Why would you care about that place? They are all losers in there. I have a better idea, <Character>...
Zorbak: ...How about we get some crossbows and make this Paladin 'holey'! Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: Meh, who's joking?
Zorbak: I still have my old student I.D. to Necro-University, but why bother with those necrolosers??!
Zorbak: If you want to face the unstoppable creation of a true Necromancer... PREPARE YOURSELF!
Zorbak: I call forth my latest and greatest creation...
Zorbak: What do you mean 'Really?'!!?? He's a MASTERPIECE!
Zorbak: Silence! Do not let your fear overcome you... Meh, OK... Let it overcome you a little. Tremble with fear at the sight of my terrifying Sheleton!
Zorbak: That's just pure, raw EBIL leaking out.
Zorbak: Enough of this! Face your doom! Sheleton... ATTACK!
Zorbak: Meh. Hold on a sec.
Zorbak: Let me see here...
Zorbak: Melf's Anti-Acid Medication? Meh. Um, no...
Zorbak: Detect Visibility? That sounds REALLY useful. Meh.
Zorbak: Belly Zipper "Easy To Install"? Woah... saving that one for later. Meh heh heh...
Zorbak: Here we go! Got it!
Zorbak: Meh... whoops.... Says Grow fast, not GO fast.
Zorbak: Oh well... close enough. DESTROY THESE FOOLS, my pet!
Zorbak: What are you waiting for??
Zorbak: Meh... What are you looking at ME for?!
Zorbak: Uh oh...
Zorbak: What are you noobs waiting for?!?! Start being heroes! SAVE ME!
Zorbak: Meh... deal!
Zorbak: There. Now we're even. Get out.
Zorbak: Yeah, they kicked me out. Those losers have no idea what real darkness magic is.
Zorbak: They were...meh... scared of my unstoppable power!
Zorbak: But I will show them. Meh. I will show all of them!!!!!
Zorbak: Meh... heh.. heheh.... Meheheheheheheheehehehe!!!!
Zorbak: At last! I'll take this one, mehehe, you can do whatever you want to, just destroy the rest.
Zorbak: Mehehe, yes "hero", it's a dracolich egg! Now all the powers of a DragonLord will be mine!
Zorbak: The ultimate powe... wait, what?
Zorbak: I...well... foolish hero! I am the greatest necromancer this world has ever known!
Zorbak: A-HAH! I thought I was a few fighters short. Just what are you doing with my sneevilchauns and my gold?
Zorbak: You were planning your OWN invasion weren't you? Sabotaging mine and stealing all the glory for yourself!
Zorbak: Is that what these bone-brains told you?
Zorbak: ... I think there's only one thing to do in a situation like this.
Zorbak: Nope. This!
Zorbak: New minions! What's yours is mine now. Your minds, your bodies, and your gold!
Zorbak: And that gold, of course, will be distributed to my loyal, fierce, fighting forces!
Zorbak: Every last shiny cent. Provided, that is, that you get back to battling
Zorbak: You know, I hear there is a LOT of unclaimed gold over in the Necropolis just sitting around in boxes...
A Ghoulish Mistake
Zorbak: I... whoa! How are you, pretty lady?
Zorbak: I am the all-powerful Zorbak! I'm currently in the process of invading and enslaving my own little town of puny "heros".
Zorbak: I... wait, what? Any and all minions of Zorbak, Inc. have sworn affiliation to me. I didn't use your ghouls.
Zorbak: Hey, hey, don't look at me! The one beating up your guys is <<You>>! I... I'm outta here!
Queen of the Jungle
Zorbak: banana peel
Zorbak: You know why Zeuster really wants that belt, right?
Zorbak: You didn't hear it from me, but Zeuster wants to be the King of the Furies!
Zorbak: I bet he's going to make one of his bird-cow attendants Queen! Are you willing to stand for that?!
Zorbak: Look! There <Character> is now, just finishing attacking your Queen!
Zorbak: It's been too long since I've had a bit of fun like that!
The Body Shop
Zorbak: Meh, a letter from the school? What do those losers want?
Zorbak: ... What? This is a bill for..
Zorbak: ...HOW MUCH?!
Xan Has A Plan
Zorbak: What do you want?
Zorbak: Meh. What makes you think I'm interested? I'm kinda busy harvesting parts right now.
Zorbak: What do you need me for?
Zorbak: Me? The Great Zorbak? Help those puny goody two shoes? What good will that do me?
Zorbak: I'm in! Meehehehehe, give me the details, skullface!
Zorbak: Mehehehehe, silly humans.
Zorbak: Hmph, I've come to help you.
Zorbak: I don't exactly want to see my nice, dank, dark Lair of Ultimate Ev...
Zorbak: Simple. You have no other choice.
Zorbak: There are three beings present who are powerful enough to break through that force field...
Zorbak: One wants to do it with a sponge soaked in nitroglycerin which will just make a smoking crater, and the other has...
Zorbak: ...limits on his magic and just might make the whole planet a smoking crater.
Zorbak: Enough, human.
Zorbak: I hope you like lava then, lots of it.
Zorbak: Face it, kid, I'm your only hope. It's my way, or the lava super-highway.
Zorbak: Mehehehehe, you will all finally recognize and respect my power!
Zorbak: Now c'mon, I don't have all day.
Zorbak: Well, what are all you waiting for?
Zorbak: I did all the hard work and broke through Drakonnan's force field! Now let's go in there and find him! Jump!
Zorbak: Who cares?
Zorbak: We destroyed his most, er... all of his orbs... check out that throne though!
Zorbak: How do I look?
Zorbak: Mehehehehe, this throne really brings out the shine in my fur.
Zorbak: Quick, help me pick it up! It'll go perfect in my Lair.
Zorbak: Who cares? He took my chair!
Zorbak: Hey Drakel-head! If you do not give me my chair back right now I am going to come down there and get it myself!
Zorbak: Oh yeah, almost forgot about this.
Zorbak: Hey Drakonnan!
Zorbak: I have your ultra fire orb right here... I will trade it to you for the chair! Just throw it up!
Zorbak: Meh meh meh.... found it over there, I thought it'd make a nice souvenir, I want that chair though! Now shush!
Zorbak: Grrrr.. Drakonnan... CAN YOU HEAR ME DOWN THERE?!?
Zorbak: What a jerk...
Zorbak: Because when I take over the world....
Zorbak: ...I am going to sit on this instead.
A DragonLord's Birthday!
Zorbak: ...No one invites ZORBAK to the party, hmmm?
Zorbak: Rude hero, and after all I've done for him/her!
Zorbak: That's not even close to being done!
Zorbak: Let's just... FIX that.
Zorbak: And I'll spice up the rest of this food while I'm at it.
Zorbak: I would HATE for <Character> to have a boring birthday party.
Zorbak: Hmm, I'll have to use a special ebil enchantment to make this work.
Zorbak: Ugh, that means I have to do.. "the dance".
Zorbak: I HATE "the dance".
Zorbak: *sigh* You'd better appreciate this, <Character>!
Zorbak: I feel dirty...
Zorbak: Ok guys, go eat some people!
Zorbak: ...I said GO!
Zorbak: They're dumb, but they'll do.
Zorbak: Meh. Next time I'll use brain food.
Zorbak: Maybe this will help you to remember to invite me NEXT year! Mehehehehe!
Zorbak: Happy birthday, <Character>!
?: *grunt* *pant* *wheeeeeeze*
Zorbak: Meh, trying to get my new throne back to Doomwood, no thanks to you all.
Zorbak: Meh, and you lazy heros had just helped me move it, then I would have a chair AND an orb.
Zorbak: As it is, everytime I try to make a minion to help me move this thing your crazy Paladin destroys it!
Zorbak: Hey, I came here to do you guys a favor.
Zorbak: You wouldn't have even gotten into Drakelhead's Lair if it wasn't for me. Now help me move this thing.
Zorbak: Mehehehe, this will be perfect in my Lair!
Choose Your Own Adventure Quest
Zorbak: I'm cooking.
Zorbak: You fool! Do you have any idea what you just did....
Zorbak: Ok...ONE more.
Zorbak: Unkie Zorbak doesn't want you to be up all night. You need to rest so you can grow up big and str--
Zorbak: What are you looking at?
Zorbak: I'm trying to get these bony babies to go to sleep.
Zorbak: Yes, and nursery rhymes. But there's a few who just won't fall asleep.
Zorbak: You might want to stick to adventuring until you level up your bard skill.
Zorbak: Shhh! I think your horrid poem worked. That's the last of them
Zorbak: Now watch!
Zorbak: Mehehehe! Now I can finish enchanting them.
Zorbak: Once that's done, my legion of super - cute, highly deadly dracoliches will be complete!
Zorbak: No one will be able to fight back when faced with this magnitude of cuteness!
Zorbak: You can take your nauseatingly good baby and scram!
Zorbak: That sounds like an offer to help. You can be in charge of baby - supervision. That will leave me more time to plot and direct.
Zorbak: As for Lady Celestia, she...uh, wasn't home when I tried to drop them off.
Zorbak: Yeah. And then I, uh...borrowed...a Dragon Amulet to control these babies.
Zorbak's (New) Hideout
Zorbak: Yes, yes I do. You are absolutely correct. What I need is a hideout befitting my new status!
Zorbak: ... But NOW I have an army at my beck and call. I'm a General! THAT is my new status. And THAT merits a new Hideout.
Zorbak: One of their homes? Pffft.
Zorbak: I want that mansion on the edge of town. THAT'S the kind of hideout I deserve.
Zorbak: Well, then, you'll just have to take the babies and GIVE him a fight, won't you?
Zorbak: Go on, my bony-backed minions! Go with Nana and flush that nasty old owner out of their mansion.
Zorbak: Mehehehe... We'll see about that. I think it suits you!
Zorbak: What happened to this place?!
Zorbak: But they've RUINED the mansion! It's not fit to serve as my headquarters now!
Zorbak: Well, LOOK at the place now! The current hideout in cleaner than this place!
Zorbak: You want ME to clean? Pfffft. Silly <Class>.
Zorbak: I'll just go back to the Hideout we have now. YOU can clean this place up, or you can bring the babies back with you.
Zorbak: Mehehehe, I love amassing minions! The more minions the better!
Zorbak: Mehehehe! Alright, baby minions! We had a little mishap with the new Hideout, but that's ok. You'll become brutes as time goes on.
Zorbak: You'll strike fear into the hearts of the Amityville-ites with your bony gaze and menacing manners!
Zorbak: Amityville-ites? Amityville-onians? Amityville-ians? Hmmm. That sounds like a good title for me. The AmityVillain!
Zorbak: With the power that you all, as my army, bring to me-
Zorbak: What are you all doing here? Don't you have heroes to be fighting on my behalf?
Zorbak: "Boneheads?" Mehehehe. YOU really don't have any room to talk.
Zorbak: Mehehehe. Go back to watching my little minions, Nana!
Zorbak: Don't you DARE. I need this army as backup in case something happens to the babies!
Zorbak: Don't you ruin my plotting!
Zorbak: <Character>? <Character>! I don't like that look in your eyes...
Zorbak: Of course I knew him! He was one of my funniest minions!
Zorbak: You didn't need to take them ALL out. You could have left me with a Deadwood branch or a scoop of slime.
Zorbak: Now I'll have to rebuild that army from scratch!
Zorbak: Mehehehehe. BECAUSE, <Character>, I always have a backup plan!
Zorbak: And if my backup plan isn't necessary, I can always join this army with that one!
Zorbak: Or I could have, if you hadn't demolished it!
Zorbak's Thankstaking WAR!
Zorbak: Thankstaking is coming and if I know Voltabolt, he has plans! But he didn't anticipate ME being in town!
Zorbak: My waves of undead are UNSTOPPABLE! You won't succeed THIS year, <Character>!
Zorbak: I was surveying my troops the other day, though, and I noticed some delicious smells coming from the bakery.
Zorbak: I bet that yaga is cooking up a feast for the Fall Harvest festivities! And if I know Voltabolt, HE has his own plans.
Zorbak: Since my minions are already here, and since it's always fun to tweak that daft dentist's nose, I said to myself..
Zorbak: Meheheh! It would be a shame to let their Harvest fun go on as planned. If Voltabolt hasn't done anything to interfere yet, then it's time I do!
Zorbak: First we find Voltabolt, then we have FUN! And as long as you and that paladin are battling undead, I'm free to plot! Mehehehehe!
- Heal - fully replenishes HP, MP, and potions.
- Leave - returns to Introduction.
Zorbak: Mehehe, we found the dentist's shops but not him. And don't ask WHY I want those corn kernels and tail feathers. Just trade them!
A Feast of Fowl
Zorbak: Mehehehe! Found you!
Zorbak: Skully is right.
Zorbak: We were here before, but you weren't. It's a good thing we came back to find his missing armbone! It fell off in your kitchen.
Zorbak: Now, Volty, it seems you haven't been planning anything for this year's Fall Harvest Festival in Falconreach.
Zorbak: Nothing as fun as what I have planned! I just need a scientist's touch.
Zorbak: Mehehehe, you're a science guy, aren't you?
Zorbak: I saw black smoke come out of the bakery yaga's kitchen window, and word around town is that her oven is broken.
Zorbak: I think you might be able to... FIX it.
Zorbak: If you know what I mean, mehehehe.
Zorbak: You mean you didn't grab any stuffing or cranberry sauce while you were there?!
Zorbak: Mehehehe, what are YOU doing here, paladin?
Zorbak: Meheheh. I will order a retreat among my undead on ONE condition.
Zorbak: You share some of that delicious-looking turducken with us.
Zorbak: Whoa, what is it, naptime?
Zorbak: You saved all these princesses?!? You don't look like a knight.
Zorbak: Heh, when you return them you will be.
Zorbak: Weeelll... I could take them back for you...
Zorbak: I'm going to be the most famous moglin ever.
Double, Trouble, Boil and Bubble
Zorbak: You owe me for destroying the majority of my army, <Character>. But I'm going to give you a chance to make it up to me.
Zorbak: <Character>, I haven't entirely forgiven you for demolishing my other army.
Zorbak: You can start trying to make it up to me by finding me some more men to put in the field!
Zorbak: Meh, I suppose they could be skeletons, too.
Zorbak: Yagas? Mehehe. You might have something there!
Zorbak: <Character>, I think you might have a knack for this war/baby-sitting thing.
Zorbak: I think we'll call you Lieutenant Nana!
Zorbak: Mehehehe. Hello pretty ladies!
Zorbak: Oooookay. So that didn't work.
Zorbak: Hello you warty wonder-yagas!
Zorbak: Only to welcome you yagas into my most Glorious Army of Dracoliches!
Zorbak: My army is mighty!
Zorbak: You don't leash an army! You send it charging into the fray!
Zorbak: Babies! Take care of this mess! I'm going to go make a list of better allies.
Zorbak: <Character>, make sure they get home alright.
Zorbak: .... <Character>, you're demoted!
Zorbak: Report for potato-peeling duty in the kitchen, stat! And don't forget to salute on your way out, PRIVATE Nana!
Zorbak: *grumble* *mumble* We'll see about THAT, mehehehe...
Zorbak: Fine, fine. You can be a Lieutenant again. But the next phase of my plan had better go more smoothly.
Zorbak: We'll be taking a little trip deep into the heart of Amityvale and visiting a special friend. Mehehehe!
Zorbak: You and the babies will come along to provide muscle and intimidation! Meh. Maybe not intimidation.
Moglin Seeking Queen
Zorbak: We need a REAL ally, a powerful one. One who will strike fear and awe into the hearts of these puny townspeople. I know just the person!
Zorbak: Mehehehe. About face, <Character>! We're going to pay a visit to my good friend, the Vampire Queen.
Zorbak: Meh, what's a few skeletal minions between friends, I always say.
Zorbak: Enough of your crazy speculations, Nana! It's time to go find Safiria!
Zorbak: Mehehehe. Back off, Flea - for - fur! We have business with Queen Safiria.
Zorbak: He looks like a threat to my babies, don't you think, <Character>?
Zorbak: And meh, I look NOTHING like a squirrel!
Zorbak: Greetings, Safiria baby! Now that you're safe, I have a proposal which might interest you.
Zorbak: Mehehehe. A proposal. To join forces. Your dark power with my deadly legion.
Zorbak: I can do it on my own, but your ebil cuteness combined with that of my cute but deadly warriors would make me unstoppable!
Zorbak: And you would get to play with these adorable babies! It's a win - win situation.
Zorbak: It was for my own good.
Zorbak: Mehehehe. No.
There's Something About Twilly...
Zorbak: Meh. Great.
In the Mountains....
Zorbak: Oh.. mehehe.. oh my poor ebil heart can't take it. Mehahaheheh..
Zorbak: What a touching moment.
Zorbak: Meh. THIS is your big plan?
Zorbak: Meh.. Can it, football head. This is just starting to get good.
Zorbak: I'm warning you... I don't like to be hugged.
We're Gonna Need More Fire...
Zorbak: I'm warning you, clownhead. I. Do. Not. Do. Hugs.
Zorbak: The power of a thousand lost souls lies within my grasp! My necromantic power knows no match and...
Zorbak: Ii-ii... wwwwaaaarrrrrnnnnrrrreeeddddd yyyyooooouuuuu, ccclllloooowwnnnfffaccccceeeee...
Zorbak: You idiot. I warned you.
Tiny Terrors In Town!
Zorbak: It's time, <Character>! Time to take the babies and take over the town!
Zorbak: Mehehehe! The time has come to attack the heart of town! Everyone is at the town meeting, so we'll strike there.
Zorbak: Prepare yourselves, my bony babies! On your mark, get set, ATTAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Zorbak: *grumble* Fine, fine. *quieter* Babies, lets go overwhelm the townspeople with your terrifying cuteness!
Zorbak: Well, hello people of Zorbakville!
Zorbak: What's going on over here?
Zorbak: *screech* Wait wait wait, what?!
Zorbak: What are you people doing with my army?! That's MINE!
Zorbak: You leave my terrifying babies alone RIGHT NOW! I will magic you so fast that you won't know-
Zorbak: Pfft. It's MY happiness that matters!
Zorbak: Lieutenant Nana, have FAILED me.
Zorbak: *grumble* You just wait until my NEXT plot comes to fruition.
Zorbak: There'll be no place for you the next time I raise an army!
Zorbak: *mumble grumble*
Resident Sneevil: Parasol Chronicles
???: It's my house. What did you fools manage to do to cause all this?
Zorbak: Again, I want to know what exactly did you nincompoops do to cause all this?
Resident Sneevil: Revelations
Zorbak: You fools!
Zorbak: In your snooping you released the whole arm... uh, the whole armed and dangerous bunch!
Zorbak: Begin with me? ME?
Zorbak: You come into my home, snoop around and open the door to.... to my benign, totally safe, legitimate, underground research center...
Zorbak: ...And try to make it my fault?!
Zorbak: Hmmpf, well how rude! Meh!
Zorbak: Are you suggesting I don't deserve a house? That a moglin of my superior genius doesn't have the wherewithal to own a home?
Zorbak: I'll have you know that I'm the CEO of my own corporation!
Zorbak: Yes! The Parasol Corporation will lead all of Lore into a new era!
Zorbak: We'll conquer the whole wo... whole... woeful world of disease, through research!
Zorbak (thinking): Yeah, that sounds good....
Zorbak: Why, all moglins have an innate desire to...
Zorbak: ...to h-h-heal....
Zorbak: Meh, just like you humans to assume the worst about me. I've been hard at work, trying to find a cure!
Zorbak: A... a cure for... bee stings!
Zorbak: Yes, bee stings!
Zorbak: What... is that?
Zorbak: Well obviously in your snooping you... you disturbed something!
Zorbak (thinking): Hmm, interesting....
Zorbak: Meh, the bees have probably all gotten out....
Zorbak: Psst!... Aria... was that candy?
Zorbak: What's with you?
Zorbak: Was that candy? Do you have more candy? Do they have candy?
Zorbak: Meh. There's a control room at the bottom, I'll take you there.
Zorbak: Hey! It's my lab!
Zorbak: Come into my house and tell me that I can't go into my own top secret underground lab.
Zorbak: Meh! Dumb hero. If I want to go into my lab I'll go when I want.
Zorbak: Candy? There's candy?
Resident Sneevil: CODE SALL-IE
Zorbak: ...Want to play Tic Tac Toe again?
Zorbak: Wanna teach some minions to do the chicken dance?
Zorbak: Meh. You're right. Where is <Character> anyways?!
Zorbak: Oh. There he/she is.
Zorbak: Meh, you did. Why did you fools shut the quarantine doors? Do you have any idea how long those are gonna take me to open?
Zorbak: How the heck did you figure out my password anyways? (aside) "SquareCrank" was so perfect!
The Golden Kiss
???: Do you want your lovely golden kiss back?
???: I can give it back but you have to do a favor for me.
???: Then here's what I need you to do...
It's Not Easy Being Gold
Zorbak: Yeah I'm here.
Zorbak: What do you want?
Zorbak: I gave him his power back alright... and got him to steal the Sneevilchaun gold.
Zorbak: But he double crossed me. He got his power back and then--
Zorbak: Yes. Then he KISSED ME! I'm Gold!
Zorbak: Oh, shut up.
Zorbak: Hey you. You're a jerk.
Zorbak: WATCH IT!!!
Zorbak: Don't EVER do that again.
Zorbak: Like, EVER.
Zorbak: Mehehe, Voltabolt doesn't get to have all the fun this year!
Zorbak: Hey! That was uncalled for!
Zorbak: Meh, so be it! Get on with your questions...
Zorbak: Meh, one little experiment gone wrong and EVERYONE loses their minds!
Zorbak: Yeah, you know how most of the Necro U students are skeletons?
Zorbak: Meh, they were human BEFORE my experiment!
Zorbak: Meh, I can't remember... I got knocked out and regained consciousness somewhere nearby...
Zorbak: No! Meh I feel dirty just thinking about it!
Zorbak: To show all of Lore the terror of EBIL!
Zorbak: No! Ebil is 100 times worse than evil! Evil people are wimps compared to Ebil people!
Zorbak: Wait... what?
Zorbak: You'll pay for this you hear me? You'll paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Zorbak: Meh, yeah if you go on with that I might puke!
Zorbak: Oooooh yes!
Zorbak: Even with my magic!
Zorbak: Meh, YOU again? what do you want?
Zorbak: I guess I should thank you.
Zorbak: Since you defeated all of those losers in the Necropolis, that makes me the most powerful necromancer in Doomwood.
Zorbak: (I hope Vayle didn't hear that)
Zorbak: You may be wondering what I want with Undead Slayer Badges. The answer is...
Zorbak: ... I really don't want them for anything. All I know is that Artix wants them for some reason.
Zorbak: If I get more of them, then that goody goody gets less of them. Meh heh heh!
Zorbak: Now, GET BACK TO YOUR STUDIES.... APPRENTICE!
Items - opens Necromancer Items.
Become A Necromancer!
Zorbak: Alright, let's get this over with!
- Unlock Necromancer Armor
- Wear Necromancer Armor - equips Necromancer Armor.
- Give Armor back
- Train Necromancer Armor
???: Ugh, do you "heroes" ever knock?
Zorbak: It's not like you fools have been using it.
Zorbak: I put up a sign, locked the door, and those stupid Guardians have been standing watch for me for years.
Zorbak: The new... management at the Necropolis was a little too insistent about me joining the staff.
Zorbak: That brat is dark... even for me.
Zorbak: You getting iced and a whole anti-magic movement arising hasn't been too great for necromantic real estate either.
Zorbak: So, yeah, thanks for that, "hero".
Zorbak: Meh, I moved into the last place anyone would look for me and now the last people I want to see have found me. What do you fools want?
Zorbak: Put. Me. Down.
Zorbak: Meh, relax, Red, better than you have tried and failed. Now, which invasion are you talking about? There have been so many.
Zorbak: Oh, so just because I'm collecting broken trinkets from attacking undead you assume that I'm behind the attack. Typical, "hero". Typical.
Zorbak: Of course I was.
Zorbak: Meh. What cultists?
Zorbak: Let me see...
Zorbak: Necropolis Student ID... expired.
Zorbak: Council of Smart People... man, has that organization gone downhill...
Zorbak: ... here we go, Dark Cultists.
Zorbak: Of course. Who else was going to keep an eye on Falconreach and blondie for them?
Zorbak: And who do you think made sure that all their attacking "armies" were filled with pushovers? I mean, honestly, trees throwing squirrels?
Zorbak: Years and years ago...
Zorbak: Back when you were still wet behind the ears, "hero", three slightly chewed Dark Cultists and blondie showed up on my doorstep.
Zorbak: They wanted help pulling their boss from the Shadows or making blondie remember... whatever. How to bake a cake or something.
Zorbak: I wanted, heh. I still want that cape. It's a direct link to the Darkness Realm. Bones and zombies... ?
Zorbak: That's all solid, physical necromancy. That cape? That cape is souls and essence. I want it.
Zorbak: The only mortal who could control it, though, was swallowed up by it in his coffin.
Zorbak: I'm not sure if it's the masks or if Jaysun made a deal with the Darkness...
Zorbak: ... and the only way I was gonna find out was getting on the good side of the Cultists.
Zorbak: I convinced 'em that the only way to bring that egomaniac back was through some evil artifact collection thing. Which... actually worked.
Zorbak: Then I had 'em put blondie in the Inn and said I would be their spy in Falconreach.
Zorbak: Meh, an invasion every once in a while, send in a report saying blondie was still blonde...
Zorbak: ... and enough contact for me to scry on the Cultists. Then you had to get frozen, and I get stuck hiding in here.
Zorbak: I did but since blondie stopped baking and started slicing... Nuh uh.
Zorbak: ... If you mess up, it will see you. And you won't like it.
Zorbak: Meh, it's your funeral if it catches you. Not even I'm amused by that prospect. You can use this BioBeast claw as a focus and... let's see....
Zorbak: This ancient Darkness scroll has the runes you need to scry for the Cultists and the new... thing in charge.
Zorbak: The runes will glow in a specific order and you have to activate them in that same order until the detector reads, mehehe, blood red.
Zorbak: With every mistake you risk the scrying being detected. If you run out of chances... well, then you're definitely going to be caught.
Zorbak: The more you manage to flub your way through the runes correctly the more chances you have before you get caught.
Zorbak: Meh, good luck. I have zero confidence in you.
Zorbak: Alright, stop it! You've already endangered us enough, you amateurs. Do you want to bring that thing directly to your precious Falconreach?
Zorbak: Suckers.... All the info and none of the exposure.
Zorbak: Meh... is your helm getting warm?
Zorbak: Listen, <Character>. I'm off the clock, here on a nice little vacation...
Zorbak: You're really gonna come up to me, interrupt my one break from being a genius and planning end runs around your little cult problem?
Zorbak: Here's the deal, kid, you wanna talk? First, you gotta help me enjoy my vacation. Toss your hat in the ring and fight.
The Felonious Five
???: Meh, been there done that.
???: Meh, entertainment is entertainment. Perhaps after this we can get to some serious fun.
A Boneheaded Brawl
Zorbak: Meh, I don't care unless it means more power.
Zorbak: *thinking* ... and when you figure it out, I'll take all the power for myself.
Zorbak: You're on your own, bird brain. Hehehehe. Have fun.
Zorbak: Ow, what is your PROBLEM!?
Zorbak: Mehehe! I'm not scheming anyt-
Zorbak: I'm naked!!!
Zorbak: Good point.
Zorbak: You still haven't figured it out?
Zorbak: Meh, you're dumb!
Zorbak: I did this for you, dummy!
Zorbak: I couldn't stand the state of you. Always sulking. Always sad. Ugh. Gross!
Zorbak: This was bad for my business!!!
Zorbak: So I prepared this little getaway... just for you!
Zorbak: I thought...
Zorbak: I thought you needed this, after...
Zorbak: Anyway, no need to thank me!!!
Zorbak: Eeew! I said no need to thank me!!!
Zorbak: But I accept the thanks, I am known to be very generous.
Zorbak: Besides, you had fun, you must have had, this took me a while to plan and prepare!
Zorbak: It had the undead, it had fun accessories, fun activities, it had EVERYTHING!
Zorbak: Shut up, it had everything.
Zorbak: Now, if you excuse me, I must return to my other plans, since this one was such a tremendous success! Mehehehe!
Zorbak: Toddles, <Character>. Return the undead remains to the owner.
Return of the Felonious Five
Zorbak: Nope... don't even finish saying that.
Zorbak: Food is always being transformed. That's getting old.
Zorbak: Meh, this isn't going to work. We should have gone with undead gravy boats.
Zorbak: Joules, you might want to—
The Lucky Undead
Zorbak: EXCUSE ME!
Zorbak: Shut it, pipsqueak, I'm here to talk to the one here who gets things done.
Zorbak: I need your help.
Zorbak: I... Look, the Guardians finally kicked me out of their stupid tower.
Zorbak: Something about not paying rent and eating too many peoples' lunches.
Zorbak: And I...
Zorbak: I need your help.
Zorbak: No, no, it's not like that. Not this time, at least.
Zorbak: I need a home.
Zorbak: I need a home, not a... not a thatched fire hazard!
Zorbak: I need a palace! A structure worthy of my Ebilness!
Zorbak: A glorious construction!
Zorbak: One to rival that stupid, ugly, cold, drafty, sorry excuse that the Guardians call a tower.
Zorbak: *Grumble grumble*
Zorbak: No, I don't trust your taste in architecture. You're going to help me fund it!
Zorbak: I have a flawless four step plan.
Zorbak: Step one: Create an undead army to—
Zorbak: AS I WAS SAYING!
Zorbak: Step one: Create an undead army to help... ethically source the materials needed for construction.
Zorbak: Step two: Build the castle.
Zorbak: Step four: Learn how to count.
Zorbak: Right! I nearly forgot. You see, undead are notoriously unlucky!
Zorbak: If I send an unlucky army out to build my castle, who knows where they'll get their materials from?
Zorbak: It would be a shame if they tore down peoples' houses because they couldn't find anything else, right?
Zorbak: I need you to help me solve that little luck problem.
Zorbak: Now you're just twisting my words.
Zorbak: I've done my research. I need the bones of the legendary golden luck dragon!
Zorbak: That's because any knowledge that manages to fall into one of your massive ears goes right out the other!
Zorbak: And don't worry, <Character>, you won't have to fight it.
Zorbak: You just have to find its gravesite, dig up a few ribs, and bring them back to me.
Zorbak: I don't need the whole thing. I'm not greedy.
Zorbak: If I can incorporate the lucky bones into my undead, they'll become lucky!
Zorbak: And then they won't accidentally dig up these... huts... for stone.
Zorbak: I didn't even think about that. That would certainly save a lot of trouble.
Zorbak: But no.
Zorbak: I'm... trying to do this the right way.
Zorbak: WHAT?! No. Out of the question. Your grubby little paws will tarnish it!
Zorbak: And what if you break it? Or- or-
Zorbak: But if this red ball of fur damages my staff in any way—
Zorbak: Very well.
Zorbak: Now, to business.
Zorbak: I've tracked the possible gravesite to a long-forgotten swamp hidden in the mountains of Braughlmurk. Here are some directions...
The Final Lock
Zorbak: You pint–sized overripe moglinberry! If you don't let go this instant, I'll curse your ears into mushrooms!
Zorbak: Meh. I'm ebil. You should have seen this coming.
Zorbak: Did you bring the bones?
Zorbak: No one cares. Give me the bones.
Zorbak: Thaaaaaaaaaank you.
Zorbak: For finding the bones.
Zorbak: Can I have them... please?
Zorbak: Oh no. Oh no. Hide me. Hide me, <Character>. Hide me now. Do you have room in your backpack?
Zorbak: You don't understand, <Character>.
Zorbak: There's so many Guardians.
Zorbak: There's so many dishes!
Zorbak: My paws... they get wrinkly!
Zorbak: And the soap... The soap!
Zorbak: I hate soap.
Zorbak: *grumble grumble*
Zorbak: WAIT! MY STAFF!
gazeto01 for image.
Voodoo Master Golden Zorbak appearance image, location link, additional dialogue, and corrections.
Occavatra for Sunburnt Zorbak appearance image.
~Quiet Beserker~ for entry rewrite.
Stephen Nix for location link, additional dialogue, and correction.
ILmaster13 for location links and additional dialogue.
Highlord Sendai and Pink_Star for location links.
Kilza, monkeyman4241995, and Peachii for quests given.
Barong the DemiGod, Hogo, and Tweety Boyd for additional dialogue.
Dwelling Dragonlord and Niki for corrections.
< Message edited by Jay -- 3/28/2021 1:01:09 >